Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
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I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
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He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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Take your time, I'll wait