I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.