you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
