My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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