just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
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Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
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she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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