Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
