i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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