At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
