She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
