he shaved USA in his pubs
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
