It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
not ubering you a puppy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
