wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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