worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
