Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
