apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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