Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
