This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
