i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
