I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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