Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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