just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
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We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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