I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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