I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
this hospital has no fireball
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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