check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
