Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
