no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
