Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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