I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
