If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
