As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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