i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
