so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What a dumb baby whore.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
