that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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