Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
