The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
