You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it was like eating out sand paper
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
