I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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