dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
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after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize