He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
