so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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