You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
