Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
