Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
