listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
