Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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