Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
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He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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