Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
