Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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