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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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