"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
