every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
