who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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