i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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