Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
