In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
