He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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