she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
