please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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