i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
