just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
