I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
