1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
