I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
